In 2008 I was invited by the Society of Authors to write a diary for a week, from a writer's perspective. Here is the result.

It may seem a bit odd to begin a weekly diary on Saturday, but from a writing point of view, that’s when my week begins. Saturday is the day when I can prioritise writing over my work (some of which involves writing: it gets a bit complicated.

All cafés should have free wireless internet access. I often like to write in a cafe, because being away from the usual ‘stuff’ tends to release my creative juices. I like to go there with a pencil and notepad, but also with a laptop sometimes. A free wireless connection, in addition to being useful, would also go some way towards compensating for some pretty dire service. Like the cafe I went to on Saturday...

Me: May I have a cheese salad sandwich, please?

Girl behind counter: No, we can’t do that.

Me: Why not?

GBC: Hang on, I’ll find out.

...

GBC: No. We can’t do that.

Me: But why not? You’ve got a cheese salad roll there.

GBC: Hang on, I’ll find out.

...

GBC: Here you are (proffering the cheese salad roll).

Me: Yes, that’s a cheese salad roll. I was asking about a cheese salad sandwich.

GBC: Hang on, I’ll find out.

...

GBC: Yes OK, we’ll do that. Anything else?

Me: Yes. I’d like fish fingers, chips and baked beans, please.

GBC: Fish fingers and chips.

Me: Yes, with baked beans.

GBC: Is that fish fingers and chips twice?

Me: No, it’s fish fingers and chips once, with baked beans.

Whilst sitting at a table drinking my cup of dishwater, I was wondering aloud to my wife what we’d actually be served with. Just then, the GBC appeared and said, “Would you like butter on your tuna and sweetcorn roll?”

“What tuna and sweetcorn roll?”, I asked. “I didn’t order a tuna and sweetcorn roll!”

“Oh no, wrong table”, she said, and ran away.

By some miracle, we actually did get the food we ordered, and very nice it was too. But that sort of ‘service’ is very annoying, and not conducive to creative output. Mind you, having said that, I got this article out of it. I had high hopes that the Hospitality Diploma would be made compulsory in schools, alongside Maths and English. But it was not to be.

But I still think a wireless internet connection would have been nice.