In this essay I have used three different AI apps to analyse a piece of my writing, and to make suggestions for improvement. Useful? What do you think?
Introduction
Like many people I have been experimenting with using AI in my writing — not, I wish to make clear, for the writing itself.
For example, I asked it to create a couple of schemes of work, one for a course I was running and one for a course I was on. With a bit of tweaking of the prompt used, in each case it produced something not too dissimilar to the ones I and the course tutor had already written.
In the blogging course I teach each year, the students and I have experimented with using AI to create what are called ‘personas’. These are descriptions of people who represent your intended readership. We came to the conclusion that while the results were not perfect, they provided some ‘starters for 10’ so to speak. I in particular was impressed by the fact that whereas I took half an hour to come up with one persona, ChatGPT took twenty seconds to come up with three.
I’ve also experimented with asking AI to ‘read’ a page from a report and then make a list of recommendations based on it. I wasn’t too impressed to be honest. The report said that girls are under-represented in Computing courses at school. The corresponding recommendation was ‘Have a greater gender balance’. Well, blow me down, I’d never have thought of that. It reminded me of a particularly nasty manager who had a go at me because I made a mistake while working at a cr*p job as a student. “Get it right!”, he shouted. It was on the tip of my tongue to say, “Now you tell me!”. I mean honestly, if I’d known how to “get it right” I’d have done so in the first place. Give me strength.
Incidentally, many of us predicted, before the curriculum in England was changed in 2014, that the proposed changes would almost certainly result in girls abandoning the subject. I even illustrated my prediction as follows:
Come back! Drawing by Terry Freedman
So, that was a disappointing result from AI but heartwarming too because it was good to learn that it didn’t know or understand the background, history or context as well as a human being does.
Anyway, back to using AI in writing. I thought I’d use it to provide some literary criticism on the Borgesian story I wrote recently. I put the same prompts to three different AI apps. Here are the results.
Picture created in Ideogram.ai
Perplexity
Please give me a critical analysis of the following story:
<I inserted the story here.>
Answer
This story is a complex and layered narrative that blends elements of mystery, metafiction, and philosophical reflection. Here's a critical analysis of its key aspects:
## Narrative Structure
The story employs a frame narrative, with the narrator recounting an encounter with a stranger who, in turn, tells a story about a writer named Yerret Manfreed. This nested structure creates layers of storytelling, blurring the lines between reality and fiction.
## Themes
### The Creative Process
The opening scene, with the narrator waiting for inspiration from Calliope (the muse of epic poetry), highlights the challenges of the creative process[1]. This theme is further explored through Manfreed's obsessive work on translating ancient texts.
### Knowledge and Its Consequences
Manfreed's discovery of hidden arcana in The Book of the Secrets of Enoch, followed by his injury and memory loss, suggests that the pursuit of forbidden knowledge can be dangerous[1]. This echoes themes found in works like Faust or Lovecraftian horror.
### Isolation and Connection
The story touches on themes of isolation (Manfreed working alone) and unexpected connections (the stranger approaching the narrator). The hospital scene, with its disregard for social distancing, further emphasizes the human need for connection, even in the face of danger.
## Symbolism and Allusions
The story is rich in symbolism and literary allusions:
- The reference to Calliope evokes classical literature and the mythological origins of inspiration[1].
- The Book of the Secrets of Enoch and the use of gematria allude to esoteric and mystical traditions[1].
- The hospital scene, with its chaotic disregard for rules, could be seen as a microcosm of societal breakdown or a commentary on the COVID-19 pandemic[1].
## Character Development
The character of Yerret Manfreed is particularly intriguing. Initially presented as a separate entity, he is revealed to be the stranger himself. This twist adds depth to the character and raises questions about identity, truth, and storytelling[1].
## Style and Tone
The story's style shifts between contemporary and archaic language, creating a sense of timelessness. The tone is largely serious, with undercurrents of mystery and melancholy, but also includes moments of absurdist humor, particularly in the hospital scene[1].
## Conclusion
This story is a multilayered exploration of creativity, knowledge, and human connection. It challenges the reader to consider the nature of storytelling and the blurred lines between fiction and reality. The final revelation and the stranger's disappearance leave the reader with a sense of unresolved mystery, inviting further contemplation on the themes presented[1].
Citations:
[1] https://study.com/learn/lesson/the-stranger-summary-themes-analysis.html
[2] https://www.studysmarter.co.uk/explanations/english-literature/american-literature/the-stranger/
[3] https://www.sparknotes.com/lit/stranger/plot-analysis/
[4] https://www.sundialpress.co/2024/02/26/a-review-of-the-stranger-in-support-of-a-postcolonial-reading-of-camus/
[5] https://frappesandfiction.com/2022/07/31/book-review-the-stranger-by-albert-camus/
[6] https://oyister.oyis.org/articles/book-review-the-stranger-by-albert-camus
[7] https://ng000portfolio.commons.gc.cuny.edu/researched-critical-analysis-paper-the-absurdist-other-of-albert-camus-the-stranger/
[8] https://charliebecker.substack.com/p/confronting-and-embracing-the-void
My comments
I like the fact that it ‘got’ the metafictional and mystery elements, and its reference to ‘unresolved mystery’, which is exactly what I was aiming for. I also like the fact that it gives references for further reading, on the web. (I note that one of these is a Substack atrticle by Charlie D. Becker, so there’s hope for the rest of us!) But I was disappointed that it didn’t mention Borges, and also that it wasn’t critical in the sense of feedback. Therefore I asked a further question:
How could the story be improved?
To improve this already intriguing story, consider the following suggestions:
## Enhance Character Development
1. Deepen the narrator's character: Provide more insight into the narrator's thoughts and feelings, both during the encounter and after the stranger's disappearance. This could help readers connect more deeply with the story.
2. Expand on Yerret Manfreed: While the twist at the end is effective, more subtle hints throughout the story could make the revelation even more impactful. Consider adding details that foreshadow his true identity.
## Tighten the Narrative Focus
3. Streamline the hospital scene: While this scene adds an interesting societal commentary, it could be more tightly integrated with the main narrative. Consider how it relates to Manfreed's journey and emphasize those connections.
4. Clarify the significance of 'the key': The lost knowledge that Manfreed discovers could be given more weight. Explain why this 'key' is so important, perhaps by hinting at its potential consequences.
## Enhance Thematic Depth
5. Explore the theme of truth vs. fiction: Given the story's structure and twist ending, this theme could be more explicitly developed throughout the narrative.
6. Delve deeper into the consequences of forbidden knowledge: The story touches on this idea, but it could be expanded to create a stronger cautionary tale or philosophical exploration.
## Refine the Style
7. Balance the language: While the mix of contemporary and archaic language is interesting, ensure it's consistent and purposeful throughout.
8. Polish dialogue: Some of the dialogue, particularly the stranger's, could be made more natural while still maintaining its distinct style.
## Strengthen the Ending
9. Provide more closure: While the abrupt ending is effective, consider adding a brief reflection from the narrator to help tie the themes together.
10. Create a stronger link between the frame story and Manfreed's tale: Perhaps the narrator could discover something that confirms or questions the truth of the stranger's story.
## Add Sensory Details
11. Incorporate more vivid descriptions: Adding more sensory details about the café, the hospital, or Manfreed's study could make the story more immersive.
## Consider Pacing
12. Vary the rhythm: The story could benefit from a more varied pace, perhaps with shorter, more intense passages interspersed with longer, reflective ones.
By implementing some of these suggestions, the story could become even more engaging and thought-provoking, while maintaining its intriguing premise and mysterious atmosphere.
My comments:
Look, I’m not precious about my writing. I welcome suggestions. I sign up for writing courses where there is an expectation of having your stuff analysed and critiqued by other writers. But I don’t agree with any of this at all.
For example, how much pace variation do we need in a story of fewer than 500 words (483 to be exact)? Besides, that misses the point. I wanted to create a atmosphere of a pall of gloom: I didn’t want to excite the reader!
Other AI apps
I also tried the experiment with ChatGPT and Claude. Each of these included examples of how it could be rewritten. If you just wish to read those bits, go to the headings ‘Improving it’.
ChatGPT
This story offers a rich tapestry for critical analysis, blending themes of memory, identity, and the consequences of obsession with knowledge. Here’s a breakdown of its key elements:
### Narrative Structure and Style
**Frame Narrative**: The story is presented as a frame narrative. The narrator is a writer in a café who is approached by a stranger, who then recounts a tale. This structure creates a sense of distance and intrigue. The shift from a contemporary setting to a historical or mythical story about Yerret Manfreed plays with the boundaries between reality and fiction.
**Dialogue and Tone**: The dialogue is formal and somewhat archaic, which contributes to the enigmatic quality of the stranger. This tone reflects the gravity of the tale being told and contrasts with the modern setting of the café.
### Characterization
**The Stranger**: The stranger is a compelling figure, embodying an air of mystery and authority. His knowledge and demeanor suggest a deeper connection to the story he tells. His declaration that he is Yerret Manfreed introduces an element of self-revelation and self-loathing, adding depth to his character.
**Yerret Manfreed**: Manfreed is portrayed as a scholar obsessed with arcane knowledge. His quest for the hidden key from *The Book of the Secrets of Enoch* represents the pursuit of forbidden or hidden knowledge—a common motif in literature that suggests the dangers of intellectual obsession. His subsequent actions—wandering in confusion and writing scurrilous reviews—reflect his inner turmoil and frustration.
### Themes
**Obsession and Consequence**: The central theme is the destructive nature of obsession. Manfreed's fixation on uncovering hidden truths leads to physical and mental disarray. His inability to recall the key and subsequent descent into anonymous, negative criticism underscores how obsession can erode one's character and sanity.
**Memory and Identity**: The story explores how the loss of memory affects identity. Manfreed’s inability to remember the key symbolizes a loss of self or purpose. His final act of writing scurrilous reviews serves as a form of self-destruction and alienation.
**Isolation and Reflection**: The setting of the hospital and the chaotic state of the waiting room reflect broader themes of societal breakdown and isolation. Manfreed’s experience in the hospital, where people have forgotten their ailments and rules are ignored, mirrors his own loss of direction and purpose.
### Symbolism
**The Key**: The key in the story symbolizes hidden knowledge or enlightenment. Its loss represents a failure to achieve intellectual or spiritual fulfillment.
**The Café and the Stranger**: The café serves as a liminal space between the ordinary and the extraordinary. The stranger’s presence in this mundane setting adds an element of the surreal, blurring the line between reality and myth.
### Conclusion
The story functions on multiple levels—both as a personal narrative of despair and as a broader commentary on the pursuit of knowledge and its impact on the individual. The formal tone and the self-revelatory nature of the stranger add layers of complexity, making the story a thought-provoking examination of obsession, identity, and the search for meaning.
Improving it
The story, while intriguing and rich in thematic content, could be enhanced in several ways to deepen its impact and clarify its messages. Here are some suggestions for improvement:
### 1. **Character Development**
**The Stranger**: While the stranger is mysterious, providing a bit more background or insight into his character could enhance the reader's connection with him. Exploring his motivations or his connection to the story he tells might add layers of intrigue.
**Yerret Manfreed**: More details about Manfreed's character and his obsession could make his story more relatable and engaging. For instance, showing glimpses of his scholarly life before the events or his internal conflict during his research could provide a richer context.
### 2. **Narrative Clarity**
**The Key and Its Significance**: The symbolic key is central to the story, but its significance could be clarified. Expanding on why this key is so important and what it represents in the broader context of the story could make the plot more coherent.
**Transitions and Pacing**: The transition from the café setting to Manfreed’s tale and then back to the café could be smoother. The pacing could be adjusted to ensure that each part of the story—both the stranger’s narration and the writer’s reaction—feels well-integrated and purposeful.
### 3. **Thematic Exploration**
**Obsession and Its Consequences**: While the theme of obsession is present, exploring it in more depth could add complexity. Showing more of Manfreed’s daily life and how his obsession impacts his interactions with others might provide a more nuanced view of his character.
**Social Commentary**: The depiction of the hospital with its disregard for social distancing rules adds a layer of social commentary. This could be expanded to tie more directly into Manfreed’s experience and his loss of memory. For example, reflecting on how societal breakdown mirrors Manfreed's personal collapse could strengthen the thematic connections.
### 4. **Dialogue and Tone**
**Dialogue Authenticity**: The dialogue of the stranger could be refined to sound more natural while retaining its formal tone. Balancing formality with authenticity could make the stranger’s speech feel more compelling.
**Tone Consistency**: Maintaining a consistent tone throughout the story will help unify the different narrative elements. The shift between the café setting and the mystical elements of Manfreed’s story could be made more seamless.
### 5. **Descriptive Detail**
**Setting and Atmosphere**: Adding more descriptive details to both the café and the hospital settings could enhance the atmosphere. Vivid descriptions could make these settings more immersive and emphasize the contrast between the mundane and the extraordinary aspects of the story.
**Internal Monologue**: Incorporating more of the writer’s internal monologue during the stranger’s story could deepen the reader’s engagement with his reactions and thoughts, making the story’s resolution more impactful.
### 6. **Resolution and Impact**
**Ending Clarity**: The ending, where the writer finds the stranger gone, could be made more impactful by reflecting more on the writer’s emotional state. Providing a bit more closure or introspection could make the story’s conclusion more resonant.
**Moral or Reflection**: If the story aims to convey a specific message or moral about obsession, identity, or the pursuit of knowledge, this could be made more explicit through the writer’s reflections or reactions to the story he has heard.
### Example of Revised Passage
Here’s a brief revision of a passage to illustrate some of these points:
---
While seated in my local café, glancing at my laptop screen with a mixture of frustration and longing for inspiration, a stranger approached my table. His presence was both sudden and enigmatic.
“You’re a writer, aren’t you?” he said, his voice carrying a tone of ancient gravitas. “I knew a writer once.” Without waiting for a response, he took a seat across from me.
The stranger ordered drinks with an air of authority. “Please bring my friend another glass of his preferred beverage and a chai latté for myself.” The waitress, slightly taken aback, obliged.
As he sipped his latté, he began, “His name was Yerret Manfreed.” He paused, as if to let the name resonate. “May I share his story with you?” His eyes, though distant, seemed to hold a glimmer of something deeply personal.
---
This revision introduces a bit more detail and emotion into the interaction, setting a clearer tone and making the characters more vivid.
Incorporating these suggestions could help enhance the story’s clarity, depth, and emotional impact, making it a more engaging and thought-provoking read.
Claude
This story is a complex and layered narrative that blends elements of magical realism, metafiction, and social commentary. Let's break down its key aspects:
1. Narrative Structure:
The story employs a frame narrative, with the narrator encountering a stranger in a café who then relates the tale of Yerret Manfreed. This structure creates multiple layers of storytelling, adding depth and intrigue to the narrative.
2. Themes:
- The pursuit of knowledge: Manfreed's obsession with uncovering hidden meanings in ancient texts reflects humanity's eternal quest for understanding.
- Memory and loss: The story explores the fragility of memory and the devastating impact of losing crucial information.
- Isolation and connection: The café setting and hospital scene juxtapose moments of solitude with forced social interaction.
- Creativity and writer's block: The opening scene with the narrator waiting for inspiration from Calliope (the muse of epic poetry) sets up the theme of artistic struggle.
3. Symbolism and Allusions:
- The Book of the Secrets of Enoch and gematria: These references to esoteric knowledge underscore the theme of hidden truths and mystic wisdom.
- Walking into a wall in the dark: This could symbolize the dangers of pursuing knowledge without proper guidance or illumination.
- The hospital scene: Serves as a microcosm of society during the COVID-19 pandemic, highlighting issues of rule-breaking, individualism vs. collective responsibility, and the strain on healthcare systems.
4. Character Development:
The transformation of Manfreed from a dedicated scholar to a bitter, anonymous critic illustrates a fall from grace, possibly commenting on the destructive nature of envy (Phthonus) and the dangers of losing one's purpose.
5. Style and Tone:
The story employs a pseudo-archaic style at times, with phrases like "Ho, please furnish" and "Thus do I refute these rules!", creating a sense of timelessness and linking the modern setting to ancient mysteries.
6. Critical Commentary:
- The story critiques the pursuit of knowledge at the expense of health and well-being.
- It offers a sardonic view of pandemic-era society and the breakdown of social norms.
- The ending, where Manfreed reveals himself and says "Now despise me," challenges the reader's empathy and judgment.
7. Metafictional Elements:
The story is self-aware about its nature as a narrative, with the stranger explicitly stating, "I told you this story in the way I did so that you would hear it to the end."
8. Ambiguity and Unreliability:
The revelation that the stranger is Manfreed calls into question the veracity of the entire tale, leaving the reader to wonder about the reliability of the narrator and the purpose of the story.
In conclusion, this story is a rich tapestry of ideas, blending contemporary concerns with timeless themes. It challenges the reader to consider the nature of truth, the value of knowledge, and the complexities of human nature. The story's strength lies in its ability to weave together multiple narrative threads and themes into a cohesive, thought-provoking whole.
Improving it
To improve the story, we could consider several elements:
1. Character Development:
- Deepen the narrator's character. Currently, they're mostly passive. Giving them more agency or a stronger reaction to Manfreed's tale could increase reader engagement.
- Provide more background on Yerret Manfreed. What drove him to study ancient texts? This could make his fall more impactful.
2. Pacing and Structure:
- The transition from Manfreed's studies to his accident feels abrupt. Expanding this section could build more tension.
- Consider breaking the story into clearer sections or chapters to help readers navigate the complex narrative layers.
3. Thematic Exploration:
- Delve deeper into the consequences of Manfreed's lost knowledge. How did it change his worldview?
- Expand on the pandemic commentary to make it more integral to the plot rather than just a backdrop.
4. Setting:
- Provide more vivid descriptions of the café and Manfreed's home to ground the reader in the story's world.
5. Dialogue:
- Include more dialogue between the narrator and the stranger to create a more dynamic interaction.
6. Resolution:
- The ending, while intriguing, might benefit from more clarity. What does Manfreed hope to achieve by revealing himself?
7. Symbolism:
- Strengthen the connection between the opening scene (waiting for inspiration) and Manfreed's story to create a more cohesive narrative.
8. Language:
- While the pseudo-archaic style adds flavor, ensuring consistency throughout would enhance the overall tone.
9. Narrative Hook:
- Consider starting with a more attention-grabbing opening to immediately draw readers in.
10. Subplots:
- Introduce minor characters or subplots that parallel or contrast with Manfreed's journey, adding depth to the story.
Here's a brief example of how we might expand the opening to address some of these points:
The aroma of freshly ground coffee beans permeated the air, mingling with the soft hum of conversation and the gentle tapping of laptop keys. I sat in my usual corner of Café Mnemosyne, named after the Greek goddess of memory – an irony not lost on me as I stared blankly at my screen, my own memory failing to provide the words I sought.
For hours, I had been waiting for Calliope, the muse of epic poetry, to grace me with her presence. But inspiration remained elusive, like wisps of smoke I couldn't quite grasp. The cursor blinked mockingly, a steady rhythm marking the passage of another fruitless writing session.
As twilight painted the sky outside in hues of lavender and gold, the café began to empty. I was considering packing up my things when a shadow fell across my table. Looking up, I found myself face to face with a stranger – no, The Stranger. His eyes, deep-set and intense, seemed to peer right through me.
"I perceive you are a writer," he intoned, his voice carrying the weight of forgotten tomes and ancient secrets. A shiver ran down my spine as he continued, "I knew a writer once."
Without waiting for an invitation, he settled into the chair opposite me, his movements fluid yet somehow unsettling. He raised a hand, catching the attention of a passing waitress. "Ho, please furnish my friend with another glass of his preferred beverage, and a chai latté for myself."
As we waited for our drinks, I studied him surreptitiously. His clothes were outdated, yet impeccably maintained – a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches, a waistcoat that had seen better days, and a pocket watch chain that glinted in the low light. He could have stepped out of any era in the last century.
The waitress returned with a tray, setting down my usual americano and his chai latté. The Stranger wrapped his long, pale fingers around the warm mug, inhaling deeply before fixing me with that unnerving gaze once more.
"His name," he said, as if no time had passed since his last statement, "was Yerret Manfreed." He paused, allowing the name to hang in the air between us. "Permit me to relate his story."
I found myself leaning forward, my forgotten laptop screen dimming as if in anticipation. The Stranger took a sip of his chai, then began his tale, his words weaving a tapestry of mystery and madness that would change everything I thought I knew about the nature of knowledge and the peril of forgotten truths.
This expanded opening:
1. Sets a more vivid scene, immersing the reader in the café setting.
2. Provides more context for the narrator's struggle with writing.
3. Introduces The Stranger more dramatically, building suspense.
4. Uses more sensory details to bring the scene to life.
5. Creates a stronger hook to pull the reader into the story.
By expanding other sections similarly and addressing the points mentioned earlier, the overall story could become more engaging and impactful. Would you like me to elaborate on any specific area of improvement?
So much for AI. Personally, I don’t agree with any of their suggestions. Take “The Stranger took a sip of his chai, then began his tale, his words weaving a tapestry of mystery and madness that would change everything I thought I knew about the nature of knowledge and the peril of forgotten truths.” for example.
Firstly, there’s too much exposition.
Secondly, it misses the whole point of my story.
Thirdly, and most importantly, it doesn’t sound like me.
Still, you might prefer AI’s versions to my original. If so, please say so before I boot you off the subscriber list. (Just joshin’!) Seriously, I’d love to hear your opinion.
Thanks for reading.
This article first appeared in my Eclecticism newsletter.